Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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