I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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