I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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