I'm jealous of your bromance
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
