Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
