well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You smell like a Billy Joel song
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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