ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
