i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
