Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize