Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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