Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He? As in you personified your dick?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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