just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
