butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
