I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
All the doctor said was why
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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