Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize