found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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