actually, I'm a sock model
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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