looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
