Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
