I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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