i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
