sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
