Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
