If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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