So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
