no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize