I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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