apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
