It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
