i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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