Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
