Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
