This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
