Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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