i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
