There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
