Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
wrigley field is MILF paradise
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
