Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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