My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
