I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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