I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
