seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
