I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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