the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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