your room smells of hookers.
And success
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
