There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
