I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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