He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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