Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
