man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
