I am in a vortex of obligation.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
