She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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