thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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