She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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