I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
