I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
