I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
