now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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