garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
In America we eat man semen.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
