I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
