Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
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