I must be too annoying 4 u.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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