these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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