I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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